I Want To Hold Your Hand
by sasannisa
Summary: When one simple interaction changed everything.
1. Chapter 1

**I Want to Hold Your Hand – The Beatles**

**Just something I got in mind that I thought I need to write. English version is on chapter 2. Enjoy!**

_Oh yeah I'll tell you something  
I think you'll understand  
When I'll say that something  
I wanna hold your hand_

Mereka berpegangan tangan. _Lagi_. Nampaknya mereka selalu melakukannya, dimana saja dan kapan saja. Saat keluar dari _war balloon_, saat makan pagi, makan siang dan makan malam, saat memberi makan Appa, saat tidur, setiap saat. Yah, setidaknya seingat Katara begitu. Kecuali jika mereka sedang berlatih tanding antar prajurit, jari-jari mereka tidak terikat satu sama lain. Namun begitu salah satu dari mereka mengalahkan yang lain, jari mereka kembali terjalin seakan tidak pernah terjadi pertarungan sebelumnya. Tentu saja setelah bertengkar siapa yang menurut mereka seharusnya memenangi putaran kali itu.

Katara tidak habis pikir, _apa sih_, hebatnya berpegangan tangan seperti itu? Tentu, mereka pasti telah melakukan hal yang lebih jauh, Katara tahu ketika melihat kakaknya berjalan jinjit, mengendap-endap keluar dari kamar kekasihnya saat subuh tiba. Pakaian dan rambutnya terlihat berantakan, ia mengira mereka baru saja kelar bertengkar namun senyum lebar yang mengembang di wajah Sokka menjelaskan hal yang terjadi sebenarnya. Tapi tetap saja, wajah mereka selalu nampak berseri-seri setiap kali tangan mereka menemukan pasangannya, terlihat sangat bahagia seperti belum pernah sebelumnya. Dan ketika mereka menatap mata satu sama lain, mereka seperti melihat sesuatu disana, membuat senyum mereka mengembang menghiasi wajah yang kian merona. Membuat Katara penasaran dan ingin mengalaminya.

_I wanna hold your hand  
I wanna hold your hand_

Memang pernah ia berpegangan tangan dengan Sokka, tapi sepertinya tidak menghasilkan dampak seperti itu. Kakaknya tidak pernah tersenyum setulus itu kepadanya. Setiap kali memegang tangannya, wajah Sokka mengeras, matanya tidak tertuju ke arahnya tapi tajam ke arah Jet, para perompak, tentara-tentara Negara Api, dan laki-laki lain atau musuh yang ia kira mengancam. Katara merasa aman saat itu, hanya berada di dalam rangkulannya.

_Oh please, say to me  
You'll let me be your man_

_Tapi tidak juga ah, _pikirnya. Ia pernah bertanya kepada Suki dan jawabannya cukup membuatnya bingung. "Aku merasa aman juga seperti kau. Tapi kau akan lebih tahu rasanya jika kau melakukannya dengan orang yang kau cintai."

_And please, say to me  
You'll let me hold your hand_

Benaknya memunculkan wajah Aang. Ia memutar ulang kejadian-kejadian apa saja yang telah mereka lalui _bersama_. Mereka pernah berpegangan tangan sebelumnya, berpelukan, bahkan berbagi kecupan. Tapi nampaknya perasaan yang dideskripsikan Suki tidak pernah ia rasakan. _Aman_, _tenang_, _bahagia_. "Seperti segalanya sudah lengkap dalam hidupmu," begitu kata Pejuang Kyoshi itu.

Kini tangan mereka kembali menyatu. Sokka menarik gadis itu untuk ikut berkendara menggunakan Appa dengannya—dengan mereka; Katara, Aang, dan Toph—untuk lari dari runtuhan batu dan bangunan yang diakibatkan Azula. Ada sesuatu yang berbeda tersirat di wajahnya. Wajahnya menegang, alisnya mengkerut, jemarinya mencengkeram keras pergelangan tangan kekasihnya. Baru kali ini ia melihat kakaknya sekhawatir itu terhadap seorang gadis selain dirinya, seperti hidupnya akan hancur jika ia melepaskan pegangannya itu.

_I wanna hold your hand  
I wanna hold your hand_

"Appa, yip yip!" Bison terbang itu segera menuruti perintah majikannya. Keenam kakinya menekuk, buntutnya dipukulkan ke tanah lalu sedetik kemudian mereka terbang di udara. Menggunakan earthbendingnya, Toph membuat perisai batu didepan wajah Appa untuk menahan serangan api dari Azula.

Rahang mereka jatuh terbuka, bola mata ikut membulat, terkesima melihat Zuko yang melemparkan pukulan-pukulan api, tengah melawan adiknya. Baru kali ini mereka mendapati pertarungan kakak beradik kerajaan itu. Jika satu tembakan api saja sudah cukup mengerikan sebagai serangan, pertandingan ini terkesan lebih menakutkan karena mereka berdua adalah firebender tingkat tinggi. Katara dan Sokka bertatap-tatapan dan berbagi telepati, berjanji dalam hati agar mereka tidak akan bertengkar seperti halnya Zuko dan Azula.

Zuko melompat dan menendangkan api ke arah Azula yang segera menangkisnya dan mengembalikan serangan dengan menembakkan api biru secara beruntun ke arahnya. Dengan cekatan, Zuko menangkis tembakan-tembakan tersebut sambil berlari mendekati Azula untuk mendapat target yang lebih dekat. Ketika jarak mereka tidak lebih dari satu meter, masing-masing mengepalkan tangannya dan meninjukan api ke satu sama lain. Seketika buku jari mereka bersentuhan, terjadi ledakan yang menghempaskan masing-masing ke sisi yang berbeda dan jatuh dari _war balloon_. Keduanya jatuh ke udara, pasrah akan apa yang akan terjadi selanjutnya jika mereka menabrak tanah yang masih jauh dibawah sana.

_And when I touch you I feel happy inside  
It's such a feeling that my love  
I can't hide_

Katara menemukan dirinya memandanginya lagi. Semenjak pagi tadi, sepertinya ia tidak bisa melepaskan matanya dari tangan itu. Kasar dan kuat, dua hal yang sangat ia ingat saat ia menyentuhnya. Alisnya mengkerut membayangkan kejadian tadi pagi. Tidak disangka ia akan bertindak secara spontan seperti itu untuk menyelamatkan mantan musuhnya. Tidak, ia belum bisa menyebut Zuko sebagai mantan musuhnya. Ia tidak boleh lengah, jangan sampai orang itu memainkan perasaannya dengan mengkhianatinya lagi.

_I can't hide  
I can't hide_

Semua anggota duduk mengepung api unggun, tergelak mendengar lelucon yang baru saja diceletukkan Zuko. Katara mendecak. _Tidak lucu_, batinnya. Matanya masih tertuju pada tangan pucat diseberangnya, menatapinya dengan geram.

"Untuk Zuko. Siapa tahu setelah waktu-waktunya mencoba mengejar-ejar kita, hari ini ia membuktikan diri sebagai pahlawan," Sokka mengangkat gelasnya tinggi-tinggi, diikuti yang lain sambil bersorak.

"Aku tersentuh. Aku tidak pantas mendapatkan ini," ucap Zuko.

"Yang benar saja," Katara berujar. Ia beranjak dari tempat duduknya dan menghentakkan kakinya meninggalkan kerumunan, melangkah menuju lapangan rumput terbuka didekat dermaga. Sebuah batu besar menjadi tempat duduknya untuk berpikir.

_Yeah you've got that something  
I think you'll understand_

Ya, berpikir. Katara harus menenangkan diri dari pikirannya yang mulai kacau dengan berpikir. Untunglah kali ini mereka mendarat di tempat yang bersebelahan dengan laut. Sebagai waterbender, berada didekat elemennya selalu membuatnya tenang dan nyaman karena ia tahu alam akan membantunya jika ia membutuhkannya.

_When I'll say that something  
I wanna hold your hand_

Dengan perlahan, ia menghela nafas. Tangannya yang sedaritadi dikepalkan mulai melonggar sambil meringis memutar ulang kejadian tadi pagi.

_I wanna hold your hand  
I wanna hold your hand_

Setega-teganya ia, Katara tidak bisa membenci seseorang sampai menginginkannya untuk mati. Tidak, itu adalah ide terburuk yang pernah ada, membiarkan orang mati tidak ada di daftar kehidupannya. Semua orang berhak menjalani hidup mereka dan jika mereka memang ditakdirkan untuk mati, ia bersumpah akan melakukan apa saja agar tidak menjadi sang pelaku dalam perenggutan nyawa.

Mungkin itu alasan mengapa nafasnya tertahan saat ledakan hebat itu mendorong Pangeran Api tersebut jatuh dari _war balloon_. Mungkin itu alasan mengapa jantungnya berdegup kencang dilanda panik ketika melihat firebender itu terjun bebas ke udara. Mungkin itu alasan mengapa ialah yang mengulurkan tangan untuk menangkap pria itu dan menyelamatkan nyawanya.

_And when I touch you I feel happy inside_

_Ah, benar juga_. Ia memandangi telapak tangannya yang terbuka. Tangan mereka bersentuhan. Katara masih bisa merasakan hangatnya tangan Zuko saat menggenggam sikunya. Bulu kuduknya meremang saat merasakan aliran darah yang menyetrumnya begitu kulit mereka bersentuhan. Rasa aman dan tenang segera membasuh dirinya. Perasaan yang membuatnya menagih, ingin mengalaminya lagi. Lagi dan lagi. Terlebih lagi ia merasa lega dan bahagia yang sebelumnya hatinya tertohok perasaan seperti hidupnya akan hancur jika Zuko tidak selamat.

_It's such a feeling that my love  
I can't hide_

_Seperti segalanya sudah lengkap dalam hidupmu_, kalimat Suki berngiang di telinganya.

Tidak! Ia hanya boleh merasakan hal-hal seperti itu dengan Aang—orang yang dicintainya. Kecuali jika…

Katara menggeleng, mengusir jauh-jauh pikiran menakutkan itu. Ia tidak akan membiarkan dirinya mencintai seseorang seperti Zuko. Ia tidak akan membiarkan hatinya disakiti lagi seperti saat mereka di Crystal Catacombs tempo lalu. Ia benci perasaan itu, seakan perasaannya dimainkan lalu menamparnya dengan kesan pahit di lidah, membuat dirinya ingin memuntahkan gumpalan yang menyesakkan dadanya.

Tapi… bukankah kau hanya bisa sakit hati terhadap segala sesuatu yang kau sayangi? Jika kau tidak menyayangi mereka, tentu hal buruk apa pun yang mereka lakukan tidak akan mengganggumu.

_I can't hide  
I can't hide_

Angin berhembus, membawa aroma tubuh hangat maskulin yang kian jelas tercium. Katara tidak perlu menoleh untuk mengetahui siapa yang mendatanginya. Ia hafal bau tersebut, semenjak orang itu mendorong dan mendekapnya untuk melindunginya dari runtuhan batu pagi tadi.

"Ini tidak adil. Yang lain nampaknya telah memercayaiku sekarang, ada apa denganmu?"

_Yeah you've got that something  
I think you'll understand_

Katara beranjak dari tempat duduknya dan berbalik menghadap Zuko. Tenggorokannya tercekat saat menemukan sepasang bola mata emas milik firebender itu. Pandangan itu… _memohon_. Katara bersumpah, jika ia menatapnya lebih lama lagi, ia tidak akan sanggup menahan hatinya untuk bertindak yang tidak diharapkannya—_memaafkan Zuko_. Karena jika ia memaafkan orang itu, ia akan tidak akan merasa terancam lagi. Dan jika ia tidak merasa terancam lagi, ia akan merasa nyaman berada didekatnya. Dan jika ia berada didekatnya, ia akan ingin menggenggam tangan itu lagi. Dan jika ia menggenggam tangan itu lagi, hal yang tidak diduga bisa saja terjadi. Dan maksud dari hal yang tidak diduga adalah membenarkan kata hatinya untuk mencintai orang itu.

_When I'll feel that something  
I wanna hold your hand_

Namun matanya tidak kunjung bergerak dari pria didepannya, menentang keinginannya. Ia tak bisa menipu dirinya sendiri, hatinya mulai luluh dan melunak. Maka ia memicingkan matanya, mengerutkan dahi, dan mengerucutkan bibir, menutupi perasaannya dengan amarah. Karena ia tahu, hal yang berikutnya terjadi adalah _hal yang tidak diduganya_.

_I wanna hold your hand  
I wanna hold your hand_


	2. Chapter 2

**I Want to Hold Your Hand – The Beatles**

_Oh yeah I'll tell you something  
I think you'll understand  
When I'll say that something  
I wanna hold your hand_

They were holding hands. _Again. _They seemed to do it wherever, whenever. Going out from the war balloon, during breakfast, lunch or dinner, as they gave food to Appa, at night, every moment. Yes, that's what Katara remembered. Unless they were sparring between soldiers, when their fingers could not intertwine with one another. But as soon as one of them defeated the other, their fingers laced together as if there hadn't been a fight at all. Of course after they fought over who actually won that round.

She couldn't help but wonder, what _exactly_ was so great about holding hands like that? Undoubtedly, they've done more than that. Katara had seen her brother tiptoeing out of her girlfriend's room in the early hours of morning with his clothes and hair disheveled. For a second she thought he had been arguing, but the wide, goofy grin on Sokka's face revealed what had really happened. Yet even what seemed like such a simple act—holding hands!—made their faces glow with happiness, as if they had never felt such joy before in their lives. And when they look into each other's eyes, it's like they see something no one else can see, producing a shy smile on their lips, adorning a slowly flushing face. It made her curious, it made her want to experience it.

_I wanna hold your hand  
I wanna hold your hand_

It's true that she had held hands with Sokka before, but she never experienced those emotions. Her brother never smiled quite the way he did with his girlfriend. When he held her hands in all the times before, his expression had been cold, and it was always holding her protectively as he fiercely stared at Jet, the pirates, the Fire Nation soldiers, men and other enemies that he thought threatening. Katara only felt safe. It didn't make her smile with happiness or radiate the way they did when they were holding hands. It must be different.

_Oh please, say to me  
You'll let me be your man_

_But not really, _she thought. She once asked Suki, and her answer, if anything, made her even more curious.

"I feel safe, the way you feel. But when love comes into the equation, everything feels different. You'll understand one day."

_And please, say to me  
You'll let me hold your hand_

Aang's face appeared in her mind. She replayed the moments they've spent together. They held hands before, hugged, even kissed. But none of the feelings Suki described ever happened to her when she thought of Aang. _Safe_,_ peaceful_, _happy_. "Like you're finally complete," so the Kyoshi Warrior had said, smiling at her dreamily.

Now his and Suki's hands were once again intertwined. Sokka was pulling her towards him onto Appa's saddle, desperately, as they prepared to escape from the debris and falling rubbles caused by Azula. Something was different about his expression. His face hardened, his brows taut, his fingers firmly around her wrist. It was the first time Katara had ever seen him so worried about a girl other than her, like his life would crumble if he let go.

_I wanna hold your hand  
I wanna hold your hand_

"Appa, yip yip!" The flying bison readily obeyed his master's command. His six legs bent, his tail beat against the ground and a second later, they were off into the air. Using her earthbending, Toph created a wall of stone in front of Appa to defend them from Azula's fire attacks.

When they saw Zuko throwing fiery counter attacks at his little sister, their jaws fell open, eyes widening with surprise. It was the first time they saw the royal siblings going hammers and tongs against each other. If one fire blast was terrifying enough, the battle seemed like a wild chaos of fire, as they were both highly proficient fire benders. Katara and Sokka shared a glance, each promising never to fight the other the way Zuko and Azula did. Below them, the battle raged on.

Zuko leapt, kicking a ball of fire towards Azula who deflected it and returned it with continuous shots of blue flames. With impressive agility, Zuko parried the attacks while running towards Azula to get a better aim. When their distance was no more than a meter, each balled up their fist and punched a hot, flaming blast at the other. The moment their fist connected, a massive explosion threw them to opposite sides. They fell off the war balloon, into the air, both accepting the fate that would meet them.

_And when I touch you I feel happy inside  
It's such a feeling that my love  
I can't hide_

Katara caught herself sneaking glances at him again. Ever since that morning, she seemed unable to pull her gaze away from those hands. Rough and strong, the two things she remembered most clearly from when she held it. She scrunched her brows as the memory of this morning flashed through her mind. It surprised even her to act so spontaneously to save her former enemy. No, it was too soon to call Zuko her former enemy. She could not afford to let her guard down now, lest he toyed with her like before. He had betrayed her once, she'll be damned if she'd let him betray her again.

_I can't hide  
I can't hide_

Everyone was sitting around the campfire, laughing at a joke that Zuko had made. Katara scoffed._ Not funny_, she thought. Her eyes were still fixed upon the pale hands across her, staring at it crossly.

"To Zuko! Who knew after all those times he tried to snap us out, today he'd be our hero!" Sokka raised his glass high, followed by the others with cheers. Not Katara though.

Zuko held a hand to his heart, amusement twinkling in his eyes. "I'm touched. I don't deserve this."

"Yeah, no kidding," Katara muttered. She rose from her seat, stomping as she left the cheery circle, walking towards a nearby open field by the harbor. She tried not to mind the anxious silence that followed her departure. Finally, after some wandering, she chose a boulder for her to sit on, and she gazed out into the darkness. She needed to think.

_Yeah you've got that something  
I think you'll understand_

Yes, think. Katara had to sort out her cluttered mind by thinking. Thankfully they landed somewhere close to the sea this time. As a waterbender, being close to her element made her feel slightly more calmer than usual. She knew nature would help her if she needed it.

_When I'll say that something  
I wanna hold your hand_

Slowly, she released a sigh. Her fist uncurled, and grimacing to herself, she replayed the events of that morning.

_I wanna hold your hand  
I wanna hold your hand_

Even at her cruelest, Katara could not bear to hate someone so much to want to wish them death. No, that was the worst idea; to kill or let someone die was not on her list. Everyone had a right to live their lives, and if they were fated to die, she swore she would do anything not to be the one pulling the trigger.

Maybe that was why her breath caught in her throat when the explosion threw the Fire Prince off the war balloon. Maybe that was why her heart pounded frantically against her ribs when she saw the fire bender freefall into the air. Maybe that was why she was the one to reach out her hand towards him to save his life. Maybe she was simply a kind person.

_And when I touch you I feel happy inside_

_Ah, that's right._ They had touched. Katara could still feel the warmth of his hand as if imprinted on her skin, the heat seeming to crawl into her cheeks now long after the event. She bit her lip as she recalled it all. The tingles on the back of her neck. The exciting sparks that accompanied his touch. The calm and peace that washed over her. An addictive feeling that made her want to experience it again. Again and again. More than anything, she felt such joy and relief when before her heart was twisted in pain, as if her happiness depended on him being alive.

_It's such a feeling that my love  
I can't hide_

_Like you're finally complete._ Suki's words resonated in her ears.

No! She would only allow herself to feel such things with Aang—the one she loved. Unless…

Katara shook her head, wishing that she could shake the image of the firebender from her mind. She couldn't possibly let herself fall for a man like Zuko. She couldn't gamble with her heart. What if he hurt her again, or even worse, like he did when they were in the Crystal Catacombs some time ago? She loathed the emotion, it was as if he had slapped her, as if he had taken her heart, and then smashed it to pieces. It left a bitter aftertaste on her tongue, making her want to vomit up the feelings that crowded her chest.

But… you wouldn't feel pain if you didn't care about them, would you? If you didn't love them, surely their actions wouldn't bother you.

_I can't hide  
I can't hide_

The wind blew, bringing a warm, masculine scent wafting into her nose. Katara didn't have to turn her head to know exactly who had approached her. She remembered the scent, ever since he had embraced her, shielding her from the falling rubble that morning.

"This isn't fair," he murmured. His voice caused shivers to run down her spine. "Everyone else seems trust me now, what is it with you?"

_Yeah you've got that something  
I think you'll understand_

Katara stood and turned to face Zuko. Her breath hitched when her eyes met the fire bender's golden orbs. The look on his face was… _pleading_. Did her opinion matter so much to him? Katara was afraid that if she didn't break her gaze, she wouldn't be able to stop herself from doing the exact opposite of what she _had_ to do—forgive him. Because if she forgave him, she wouldn't feel threatened by him. And if she didn't feel threatened by him, she would feel comfortable around him. And if she felt comfortable around him, she'll want to hold those hands again. And if she held his hands, the unthinkable might happen. She might let her heart fall for him.

_When I'll feel that something  
I wanna hold your hand_

Despite her mind's insistent commands, her eyes never wavered from the man in front of him. She couldn't fool herself, her heart was starting to melt. So she glared at him, scrunched her brows and frowned, trying to cover her feelings with anger. Yet she knew that she couldn't deny the rush of feelings that filled her heart, and that the next thing that happened would be the _unthinkable_.

_I wanna hold your hand  
I wanna hold your hand_


End file.
